if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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