I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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