oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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