Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
