Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
