Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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