Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
