Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
