Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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