Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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