It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
