Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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