Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this beer tastes like vomit already
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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