billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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