the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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