Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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