just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.