Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon