yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
