I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
