You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
