My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
