I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
