508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
