He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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