Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize