Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
