What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
