i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Girls should come with a carfax report
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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