This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
