Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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