I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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