Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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