Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
