Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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