Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
