All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
