I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
