I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
