hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
