How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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