your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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