I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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