Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
