I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
