i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
