I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
