i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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