he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
