he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
