You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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