I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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