i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
