so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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