I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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