I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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