Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
