i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
