It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
