I got chris browned last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
