if only i could text you this smell
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
