I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
