We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
