She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
