you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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