I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
