I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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