What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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