I hate your face
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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