I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
