I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
