Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
