how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
