Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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