Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
