So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
