I accidentally had phone sex last night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
