My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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