just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
