wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
