OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize