Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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