why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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