I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
