spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
